im still as conflicted as ever. luke and jonathan are both great. jonathan already considers me his girlfriend and luke and i have a bit of a connection that stretches back for pretty long. gosh its seriously just too hard. my friends and dad are just telling me remain respectful to jonathan and just consider luke a friend. but theres no denying it, we have a connection and theres a part of me that just doesnt want to tell him that i have a boyfriend. even that word sounds so foreign to me. maybe its because i havent had one in such a long time. im so used to guys being disposable to ever consider them an actual boyfriend but both of these guys are really special. im gonna do a pro-con list for both of them.

lets start with jonathan since i know him a bit better.

jonathan is 31 (con) a little old for me. im 23.
jonathan dresses impeccably and is into fashion. (pro)
jonathan got his MBA at george washington univ (pro)
english is nearly perfect (pro)
dark sense of humor (pro)
borderline chauvinistic (con)
cocky and knows he's hot shit (con)
drives insanely expensive car (con)
has good relationship with family (pro)
doesn't mind that i like to party occassionally (pro)
is rude to staff when we go to a restaurant (con)

now lets move onto luke.

luke is 28 (pro)
is attractive in a modest quiet way (pro)
is a good christian (pro)
got his medical license at 27 (pro)
sweet, perhaps too much so (????)
wants to become a opthalmic surgeon (pro)
has good relationship with family (pro)
i dont think he would understan my indulgent side i.e. shopping etc (con)
not sure how he would feel about my occassional partying (con)

this list sort of helps but im still not closer to an answer


heres a pic of the chaos that is my loft. i have absolutely no walk in closets. so my house is virually a storage/living space. but im not complaining i love my house!