Weekend Outline/ Conflicted Feelings

had one of the best weekends in a long time. i know i promised to restrain from drinking but i am guilty as charged and im actaully not sorry just because i had so much fun! i had dinner with my cousin then went to a bar and had a gin and tonic and then went to a hip hop club where i proceeded to get ridiculously drunk.

i also got my hair done and it has really choppy sexy layers ands a lighter shade of brown. i love it so much and it only cost $60!! ive been shopping up a storm in myung dong, its so fun there. but i honestly like shopping alone cuz if i go with someone theyre just a deterrent and i dont need anyone's opinion and i dont want to give my opinion to anyone else. because i have very discerning tastes. i love the rejuvenation that has been infused into my wardrobe. as i get older ive realized what looks good on my body and flatters my best features. i just wish i could shop all the time everday. i really should pursure styling. but where do i even begin? i guess just being a good walking model myself is a good start.


there was this one girl that was dancing on the pole and then she had taken her top off and was just dancing in her bra and jeans. people were making fun of her. it was sad so i went up there and i danced with her a bit and politely asked her where her shirt was. she put it back on and im sure i disappointed some people but i can't just stand by and let people lose their integrity like that. i just hope that if i did something crazy like that someone would help me out. we gotta look out for each other ya know? even if we are strangers.

i went to a french restaurant a few days ago with this guy Jonathan and the frommage didn't agree with me and my stomach hasn't been the same since i think i lost a good 8 lbs. which i guess is pretty cool. but it sucks cuz its like ill try to eat a banana and i cant even force myself to finish it. that is seriously all i had to eat today. 3/4 of a banana and a cup of coffee.

the story behind jonathan is that he is one of my dong seng's (younger friend's) cousin and theres this thing in korea called so-ke-ting, which is basically a blind date. so jonathan and i hit it off immediatly his english isnt perfect but very good and we communicated very easily. i found him incredibly attractive and i really liked the fact that he was so ambitious at such a young age. he's in finance, some kind of executive. i dont know the specifics but he's 27 and very very successful. but it doesnt seem like its given him a big head. he had impeccable manners making sure that i never even saw the bill so there would be no back and forth. and he was a complete gentleman. they dont make men like that these days. he was like a throw back. so anyway i know i promised i would develop a friendship first with a guy that i would consider going into a relationship with but jonathan was just so intoxicating and overpowering. there was no way for us to "just be friends" we were both obviously attracted to each other so our relationship went at warp speed. in a matter of a week we saw each other almost everyday. one day we were browsing shin se gae (sak fifth ave in korea) and went into the prada store and i groped the tote that ive been drooling over for a month.

well cut two days later jonathan meets me at our usual cafe carrying a white shopping bag. it made me really curious? like hmm? what could it be? im really particular with the things i wear and i dont like other people shopping for me. and low behold it was a prada shopping bag. i savagely the opened duster bag and let out a wild squeal. my mouth was ajar and i didnt know what to say. well thats exactly what i told jonathan. i told him i cant accept such an extravagant gift. this is a $3000 purse. he told me the look on my face was worth $100,000,000. i hugged him than hugged my purse. i couldnt believe the purse that i had dreams about was in my clutches now.


i havent been to church in months. i have been lazy and anti-social so i finally mustered up the energy to go today and the service was great and it was so nice to see familiar places. people at church so genuinely care its just a good vibe. im definitely going back next week. and also theres one more thing. i have a friend whom i met through friends at church. his name is luke. we had texted each other here and there but never made definite plans outside churh to hang out. he suggested that we meet. and i was thrilled! luke is the sweetest, genuine, modest, and not to mention a doctor. he has his medical license in korea but he wants to get one in america as well. he wants to become a specialst, an opthamology surgeon. kewwwwl something i have absolutely no interest in but hey opposites attract right? so i cant wait to have lunch/dinner with him this week. i really have a good feeling about luke too. but what about jonathan? he's like a puppy around me and its not that i dont have feelings for him i do. but i dont want to juggle guys they are both great and it would be unfair. i guess i have some tough choices to make. i suppose i could just keep luke as a friend. not like a dating thing.

i really need feedback so if anyone is reading this HELP!!!