Under the Weather

i feel like shit. its freezing cold outside. i have no appetite and i wish i had someone to cuddle with. the only thing thats sustaining me is cigarettes and diet coke along with the office reruns online. its saturday night here in korea and im spending it at home =(

its fine though i could use the rest. ive been catching up on gossip girl episodes and just vegging out. ive also been reading up on the gossip blogs.

i had heard about the tiger woods scandal but didnt know that it was this out of control. the media is making him out to be a sex maniac. i think its being exaggerated. how humiliating for his poor wife and children. i also saw some pictures of the women that he had the affairs with and they all seem to be the sleazy type. im not against breast augmentation. hell i might get my boobs done one day too, but they will never be exposed or spilling over in such an obvious sleazy manner. his mistresses all look like they have no taste or style. theyre the epitome of unchic, like they rolled out of a playboy magazine shoot. its so disappointing to hear about someone like tiger woods desiring only women like this. it makes me wonder are all guys like that? do they all like their women trashy and easy?

all in all i feel like the media needs to back off cuz its sort of out of control. i just feel bad for his family, even for him a little. we all make mistakes but dont have to answer to the entire world when we're caught.

lord knows ive made my share of mistakes. many of which i will take to the grave. secrets that make me vulnerable and ashamed. i hate that as you get older life only seems to get heavier. i dont remember the last time i felt light. just bright and full of energy. maybe its just a phase im going through but its kind of a dark period in my life right now where my close friends and most of my family are so far away.

its extremely discouraging when i meet people constantly and realize the quality of the majority is extremely poor. i know i sound like a complete snob but its true. i go out on atleast one date with a different guy every week and none of them interest me. kevin and i are on the outs for now. but who knows with us its different every month.

i wish i could just find a friend whether romantic or not, gay or straight to rely on.